cain wrestling my heart as i disintegrate into pubescence
i’ve begun to feel trapped again, and I feel mulholland whispering for me again
perhaps because my doses have ended,
because i’m nearing the third year back at my parents’
perhaps because my throat is pulling for me to come out again
my wished miracle was placed in my uncalloused hands,
and the brink of my new beginning is messily shuffling towards me
i feel my body outgrowing me as I watch immobilized from the grunged bleachers
monopolized legality circling my bloodied water,
rows of teeth nipping at my heavy fingertips.
my revered lady-crooner knocking at my imagination,
i just want to be like her.
flattened cherry coke molding in a phony well,
i just want things to be real.
foreign ink splashing onto forgotten paper,
i just want to be remembered.